i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
