Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
