dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am one with the molecules
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize