Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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