Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
