I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize