clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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