The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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