A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
