I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
