he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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