After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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