I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
