Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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