was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
