Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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