if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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