Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
