you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
