We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
