It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Less talking, more tequila
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
