My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
