I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
