Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
