I met the friendliest cop last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
