I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
