The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
