Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
