you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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