I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am mentally ready for anal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
