We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
