I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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