2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
