End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
