she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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