he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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