My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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