I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
