if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
