I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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