Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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