You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
