we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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