either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize