That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
