Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
