my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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