I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize