We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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