it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
