I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
