I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
