someone threw a dead crab at me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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