First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
