I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
