I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
