Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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