Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
