Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
