Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
