he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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