I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize