pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
