the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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