i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she looked like the before picture.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
