you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize