I CAN MOONWALK!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
