We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
