Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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