How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
