Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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