drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
