he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
