ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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