Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize