You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
