Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
