and you said cock pushups were impossible
Life is so much better after having sex.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
