I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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