I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
