Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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