Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
