dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
