I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
