lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
