my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I forgot how hot balto sounded
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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